Killing me softly

Just coming back from the birthday celebration I had received the great news; finally Pachy decided to make the change and see what happens.
So..., I could remember when I decide to do almost the same, and it was so great, and I feel a little of envy, 'cause I'm here trying to fight with the common things and in some days she will be giving a big step, but really great for her!!
Now..., backing to "those things", my things..., I only want to finish right now. I'm tired to fight with my self, doing like nothing happens when both know that is no true.
The extremely politeness sometimes is too much, and I know he won't do anything brave, like the kind of thing that I will be expected, something like: look at me and just said "you know..., we could to stop, 'cause nothing will be happened here, so just release me"
Maybe is a little heavy to listen (again). But simple and direct is better than this longest cynic process which is killing me, and definitely no softly.